A Reddit user sought advice after getting into an argument with her spouse about the partner’s continued refusal to learn how to have any sort of basic cooking skills. An expert weighed in.
A Reddit user who was upset a spouse was refusing to learn to cook or even embrace basic food preparation skills was not wrong for bringing up the issue, said a family therapist as well as other users of the platform.
“AITA for disagreeing with my wife’s idea of her never learning how to cook?” asked a Reddit user by the name of “Significant_Tree3606” in a post this week on the “Am I the a–hole” (AITA) page.
In the post, the person described a struggling marriage.
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“She believes she does not need to help cook or prepare food or even help clean up after, besides dishes,” said the poster, even though the spouse is a “very picky eater.”
This is due in part to the spouse’s upbringing, the writer said, which included needing to do “no chores” during childhood and having a maid in the household.
“She has never learned to cook and cannot boil water,” wrote the Reddit poster.
“Despite me walking her through it, she just loses patience,” the writer also said.
“She lasts about two minutes before either walking away or throwing a tantrum that she doesn’t want to learn, and [that] I should be the only [one] in this house who has to know how to cook,” said the poster.
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This came to a head the other night, the writer said, when — after a long week at work — the non-cooking wife complained the couple had not spent enough time together that week.
“I offered to have her cook with me so she can learn while also spending time together,” said Significant_Tree3606. “I thought it would be cute to make a recipe together that we [had] never [eaten] before.”
This did not go over well, the writer said.
“She threw a fit,” she said. The behavior continued throughout the evening after Significant_Tree3606 asked the spouse to clean a grill rack and put away spices, she said.
“She eventually stopped yelling and complaining and put some stuff away. I gave her [a] plate of food first to enjoy since I still had some cleaning up to do,” the Reddit user said.
Aside from doing the cooking, the writer described herself as “the one who does the ‘handyman’ duties as well as takes care of all the bills and yardwork,” but noted the spouse “does the dishes and puts the laundry away.”
The writer’s friends sided with her, saying they would not tolerate having a partner who demanded separate meals and refused to help in any meaningful way.
“Am I the a–hole for wanting her to learn how to cook and/or at least help in preparing the kitchen?” she asked others.
A therapist told Fox News Digital it is not wrong to want one’s spouse to help in the kitchen, but “it’s surprising that [the couple] didn’t address this issue before getting married.”
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“That said, since they’re in this situation now, it’s important for them to have an honest conversation about household responsibilities and how they can divide the chores in a way that both feel comfortable with and avoid resentment,” Rachel Goldberg, LMFT, founder of Rachel Goldberg Therapy in Los Angeles, told Fox News Digital via email.
If the resistant spouse continues to refuse to learn to cook, “they could come up with alternatives where she takes on other responsibilities to balance things out,” said Goldberg.
She also said that the Reddit writer needs to acknowledge that the spouse “clearly doesn’t want to cook or learn how to, and trying to change her won’t be productive,” she said. “Instead, they should focus on finding a compromise that works for both of them.”
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Additionally, the writer may want to examine why her spouse has “such a strong reaction to cooking.”
Said Goldberg, “If she’s throwing tantrums, there may be a deeper issue than simply never learning to cook or having a maid [while] growing up.”
“Understanding what’s behind her aversion might provide insight into how she could contribute differently.”
Reddit users largely agreed with the therapist’s take on the matter.
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The majority of the over 2,200 responses to the household drama said the Reddit user was not wrong for wanting her spouse to learn how to cook.
“You can’t make your wife grow up and act like an adult, but you can stop coddling her because she throws tantrums,” said one Reddit user in the top reply to the post.
The same person said, “She needs to figure out some basic life skills. What used to be cute and quirky in a relationship gets old fast.”
Said another Redditor, “She is literally treating you like a maid.”
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The same commenter continued, “You do all the work while she expects to sit and watch TV, and she throws a tantrum when she’s asked to lift a finger.”
The person added, You’re not her wife — you’re her nanny.”
Fox News Digital reached out to the original Reddit poster for any updates.
