In the home where a child grows up with two parents, the child witnesses love. The circle is complete.
Children growing up without fathers in the home is one of the most serious crises facing America today. The impact is devastating on spiritual, religious, and material levels. Over 80 percent of the children in my neighborhood on the South Side of Chicago do not have a father, but this not something that can be just dismissed as a “Black thing.” It is an American epidemic.
Across the nation, 56 percent of Black children do not have a father in the home. For Latinos that number has risen to 31 percent and for whites, 21 percent. Those figures are only snapshots and the reality is that they are getting worse, not better, with every passing year.
For perspective, 89 percent of the “post-war generation,” including most Black families I know, had children living in homes with a mother and a father. That number has fallen to 68% today among all American families. That’s millions of children being affected.
SCHOOLS ALL OVER AMERICA ARE FAILING OUR KIDS. PARENTS, THIS MESSAGE IS FOR YOU
But I am here today not to bash fatherlessness but to talk about what happens when fathers are present. Every day, I deal with some of the most amazing women who raise their kids singlehandedly. They work their butts off to put food on the table and clothe their kids. But most, if not any, can ever replicate the influence and touch of a father.
The father is part of the creation of the child and it is only natural law that he would see the child to adulthood. This role is at once sacred and a profound responsibility, one that is a higher calling. There is nothing more precious than looking into the eyes of a child of innocence, a child that comes into this world looking for love, a child that recognizes his or her father on the deepest levels.
When a father abandons that child, that bond breaks, leaving a void. Instead of love, that child grows up with that void and that child is often left, unfairly, to deal with that void alone. Some make it. Others destruct.
WHY SOCIETY IS FAILING MEN AND BOYS
In the home where a child grows up with two parents, the child witnesses love. The circle is complete. No one’s home is happy all the time, but the child does not seek happiness. The child seeks love, wants to be loved, and wants to give love in return. It is love that carries families through the good and bad times and what better lesson than that to teach the child daily?
Not only that, the child learns different things from the mother and the father. The child learns the differences and the similarities. The child watches his parents negotiate, love, fight, reconcile, discuss, debate, and the child grows up understanding inside the home the basic human skills for how to navigate the world. His or her parents’ relationship serves as a microcosm for how the larger society works.
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Marriage is very important. I often tell young men that the most important thing they can do is marry. They ask why?
I tell them, if you love your woman, you must enter into a holy union with her. You must declare your love before witnesses in society. In doing so, you are forming a sacred bond that also serves as a social contract. This step is the foundation of the family and provides stability for any children that should come out of this union.
When a child grows up with a married couple, not only are they often better off financially, they also come to value society through the institution of marriage. They grow up knowing that certain actions have a sacredness to them. They believe in something larger than themselves and that humbles them. The child who believes in nothing is the least humble.
A father in the home, a husband in marriage, is what America needs to be preaching these days. We are not better than the humans that came before us despite our wealth and technology. They did families better than we do today. They knew that each parent played a role and it was not about feminism or machismo — it was all about the child. And they knew, how the child goes is how society goes.
